Myth: The Perfect Family

The aspiration was to be “The PERFECT family”. The reality was that there is no such thing. I just didn’t recognize this until much later in my life.
Perfection is described in the dictionary as “an instance of excellence”. This moment in our lives, on the day that this photo was taken, was what I look back on, and even then, considered to be near perfection. This family portrait captured a moment in time when life was excellent. There is that moment in every life, that you always think, “If I could go back to any given time in my life and live from there on.” This would have been that moment for me.

Dale was thirteen years old. Gerbauds, Nikes, hairspray were priorities in his life. His social circles were those that every mother dreams of. His goals were high, his life was charted and mapped and he was following the course. Kelly and Liza were still young enough to wear what Mom told them to, to want to spend time learning from and helping their mother. Makeup, boys, media were not yet an influence. They were my sweet girls, innocent and pure. Doug and I were in our prime in every way. Financially, we were doing great and right on track. Socially, our world was filled with friends and much laughter. Our marriage was strong and solid. Life was really and truly excellent.

In looking at this photo, I still recall my strong desire to be General Manager of the Universe at the time. I was involved… PTA President, counselor in the Relief Society Presidency, involved in American Mothers, speaking and teaching classes on home management and organization. It felt like I had it all “together”. Life was moving right long in the direction that followed my plan.

I studied and read and learned all that I could about parenting and having the model perfect family and applied it. We held family prayer, daily scripture study, Family Home Evening. We were doing it all "by the book". And so, why would I expect anything other than perfection for our future. I had no clue what would lie ahead in the next decade. But, I imagined that it would all be nothing short of “perfect”.

And then, reality taught me a most valuable lesson. I realized that it was not about me controlling my own destiny. A source much higher than myself, Heavenly Father, with a plan much farther reaching, eternity, was where the “shots” were really being called. I had a lesson in humility ahead of me and a rocky course that we lead me to that lesson learned. I would learn that life doesn’t always go exactly as planned. BUT, that my attitude would be what determined my own personal happiness. That no matter what Life offered, I could find success in achieving goals that often had to be reset, working around the circumstances, whatever they may be.

Several years after this photo was taken, after Dale and Kelly had taken turns of their own in far, far different directions than I’d hoped and dreamed of, an acquaintance asked me, “Aren’t you embarrassed by the way your kids have turned out?” I was stunned that anyone would be so bold or so rude! To this question, I answered, without hesitation, “No, not at all. First all, they aren’t done “turning out” yet. I have much hope for them both. And second of all, I know that I can feel good about what I’ve taught them and how I’ve raised them. Now, if I hadn’t have done all that I should have to raise them well, then I would be concerned." Did I feel like a failure? No! Not at all!

My lesson learned… Shooting for the moon and stars will get you higher than shooting for the tops of the trees. I aspired for greatness in our family. I believed in it. I counted on it. Not achieving all of the goals that I’d hoped for was a disappointment, yes, but, certainly not a stopping point. We’re not done!

Reach high. Work toward excellence. Perfection is not expected of us. Not in this lifetime. We can aim for perfection in specific principles…being a perfect tithe payer, studying scriptures regularly, praying faithfully daily, perfect in our attendance in Sacrament Meeting… But, never be discouraged because you are not the “perfect” family, a “perfect” mother or a “perfect” wife. We can’t be everything all the time. It’s just not possible in this life. Just work at it. Work hard. That’s all that is required. Don't fall short because of a myth.

“Line upon line, precept upon precept; here a little, and there a little…Go forward, and not backward. Courage, sisters, and on, on to the victory!” D&C 128:21,22