pioneer stock or woodstock

As a child, I witnessed, from my earliest memories, an unhappy marriage between two people who loved each other, but niether were as committed to the marriage as they were to their own purposes. For my father,who never really grew up, life was a party, a game, with no time for settling down. For my mother, an orphan at 14, life revolved around her two children and seeing that we had everything she had ever gone without.

My parents divorced when I was thirteen. After years of unhappiness, they parted as friends and went their separate ways. Between both of my parents, I witnessed several marriages and divorces over the next ten years. As a teenage girl, I determined that my own marriage, when it did happen, would be a success. I wanted to have a marraige that would be respected by others, a home where the love could be felt by all and I wanted to be married to my best friend.

I met Doug when I was sixteen years old. We married when I was eighteen, out of high school for less than a year. He was five years older, had served an LDS mission and was in his third year of college. Doug had been raised in a righteous and loving family. We joke that Doug is from Pioneer Stock and I am from Woodstock. At first, some doubted that our marriage would ever last because of our many differences. While our differences did bring their own challenges, our belief in each other and ourselves made us strong and determined to make our marriage a success. Thirty-three years later, we face different challenges, but we face them with a "can do" attitude together!

A few things that have worked to enhance our relationship:

• Laughter ~ Doug and I laugh a lot. Doug is more of the silly one and believe it or not, I'm the serious one when we are alone. He can tease at just the right moment to make me laugh just about the time I'm ready to start to cry. I love this about him! Bedtime pillow talk is my favorite time of day. I'm sure that there's been many nights in our marriage that the neighhbors have wondered "What's happening at the Corbridge's?" because we are laughing so hard!


• Prayer ~ There's something about kneeling together and praying with your spouse that connects you in a way like no other. I remember hearing a talk once at BYU Ed. Week about symbolism in the temple. The speaker mentioned that the chandelier in the sealing rooms of the temple always hangs very low and close to the altar. The symbolic meaning behind this... the chandelier represents Christ. Hence, there, at the altar are three people, not two. The bride, the groom and the Savior, who should be a third party in every marriage. I heart this idea. Prayer keeps Christ in a marriage relationship more than any other thing that I can think of.


• The three C's ~ One of Doug's most common comments is "Corbridge's don't complain, condemn or criticize!" If we all could stick to that, how much better would we be, not only in our marriages, but in every aspect of life!


• Touch ~ Touch is so so important in a relationship. I lucked out! I get a lotiony footrub every night and then once in bed, Doug rubs my back softly to help me wind down. (I think it's so that I'll relax and stop talking!) We hug and kiss hello every single time we leave or enter. We hold hands during prayer. We hold hands while we are watching the news. I have one friend who, when angry with her husband, puts her arms around his waist tightly and tells him, "Oh! I'm so angry right now!" But there's no need to scream since they are already in each other's face. I love this!


• Expressing love ~ Again, we never ever hang up the phone or leave each other without saying, "I love you", just in case. Not morbid, just one way to keep the connection. Expressing appreciation and gratitude for the simplest of things is a way of saying "I love you!" Doug never fails, when his sock drawer is full, to say, "Thanks for doing the laundry!" Little things like that make doing something as tedious as laundry feel less of a burden and more of a labor of love!


• Communicating ~ Tell each other what's on your mind. Another of Doug's frequently stated thoughts is "Help me out here." He reminds me often that he's a man and men are basically "not too bright" when it comes to women. After 33 years, he'll still say, "Help me out here. Did you want to go out for dinner tonight or would you like me to help in the kitchen or what?" Rather than get upset because they don't get it, just tell them gently and kindly what's on your mind. Things will be a lot happier for everyone if one of you isn't sulking and the other one is clueless as to why!


• Remember that most people are well meaning and good. ~ In a marriage, this makes all the difference in the world. If you keep that thought in mind, you will be reminded that they didn't mean to forget to stop and pick that thing up on the way home, that they would never have intentionally forgotten your anniversary, that they didn't mean to not notice that you got a haircut - three days ago! In other words, be forgiving. And then forget!

My values and beliefs, today, may be different than those that I was raised by, but they were not useless at all. They've taught me, along with a loving and patient husband, that no matter what the differences are in the union of two completely different people, if you're both giving 120% and keeping Christ at the center of your home, you can't go wrong...even pioneer stock and Woodstock can make each other happy! Even very happy!